Hello friend,
Today, I wanted to try and go deeper into something I wrote in an earlier letter about surrounding yourself with some new crew. What I wanted to do during my break was to be open to meeting people who had lived a slightly different life. So, when this opportunity to be part of a creative fellowship came along, I was excited. For the first time in my life, I would not be an HR but rather just be another human with a passion for people and conversations. Here are a few things I learnt through observing my co-fellows –
1. Simplicity is everything
As an HR, I got used to thinking that a new innovative way of doing activities needed new tools. Life lessons activities often just need just a pen and paper . This way, a tribe in Vietnam, a refugee at a camp in Syria and a school kid in Nepal can all do it and have a beautiful experience. So I tried to declutter my thought process a lot more, and let myself be vulnerable through the simplicity. If I get a chance these days to run a workshop, I use a pen, paper and our own human self – movement, voice, expression and senses. The response is charming.
2. Feelings are acceptable responses to questions. So is Silence.
I had gotten used to filling up conversations with things that sounded logical, decisive, smart. I saw people answering a question with – “ My mind is blank at the moment”, “I need to think deeper on this question before I can express what I am feeling”, some passed the question in silence with a nod and a smile, indicating that everyone else had already voiced their thoughts. I loved that. Sometimes we speak, without intention. Let’s pass the question around instead.
3. Diversity in professions, Resounding Similarity in Thought
One of the first conversations when we all just met, no idea what anyone does, was about “Death”. We spent almost 2 hours debating about it, then we went into other things, 2 days went by. Suddenly on the 4th day, one of them asked me “Yeah, I know you work in some company, but what do you do?” And I said “Who cares?” We have had more important conversations than that. It made me think, we must be connected in other ways than work. As the Project Fuel folks say “Introduce with Love” I do this now, quite often at my work, often surprising others with the things I share in an intro chat, nudging them to tell me something more human about them.
4. Always be someone else’s cheerleader
There are too few left today. I was shocked by the unconditional praise some of the others showed. It seemed, they were genuinely happy and ecstatic about how well others were doing! To me, a jaded corporate, it seemed almost crazy! But I watched their faces, I observed and I tried to learn a bit of their essence in me. As Maya Angelou says “Try and be the rainbow in someone else’s cloud”
5. Open yourself up to vulnerability. In that, there is immense courage and strength
This was the first time since I was unemployed, that I opened about it, about my journey there. I only did this on the 5th day, till them if someone asked me, I still told everyone – I work as a Human Resources Professional. Each of them told me something and broke my walls down. They talked about a painful history with an ex-boyfriend, being bullied, struggles in choosing careers, having a troubled childhood, having a life of missing big goals. And in each of their stories, I found the strength to vocalize mine. They broke these walls much earlier than Day 5 and today, I am trying to do the same.
6. Just be yourself – Hair, voice, thoughts and everything
When I was with my co-fellows, I tied my hair up, never wore the contact lenses I carried with me there, wore all my bright clothes and scarves every day. And my co-fellows loved it. They loved my smile, my clothes and my thoughts. So, I thought to myself – Why am I not more of myself fully at my work? Why do I make excuses for myself? So when I got back home, I had an opportunity to be on stage and try doing stand up comedy, and I had a choice – how do I want to look when I go on stage ? I go with my hair tied up, in my nerd glasses and in my bright clothes. People still laughed at the same joke because they knew I loved myself. And that’s sometimes all that matters.
7. Ask the same people new life questions – Indulge them a little bit more
As fellows, I realized our conversations were never about introductory questions, and at the end of the fellowship, a common sentiment was – “I don’t think even my wife/husband knows so much about me”. I reflected on that and thought, how silly it is that we don’t ask new life questions to our same people whom we live closest with. So much to learn and only a lifetime.
So tell me something - what conversation do you remember vividly in your life? Or tell me anything, really.
Love
Math