Dear Friend,
You asked me a beautiful question yesterday – “With this lockdown and staying at home during this pandemic, I feel a sense of being less productive and stagnant in life, did you feel the same when you were unemployed for a while?”
So, I want to try and share a few thoughts from my 10 months of unemployment. But before I do, I definitely want to begin by saying, my unemployment was self-imposed to an extent and I decided to take a break from the hustle willingly. Even today, I am grateful that I was financially in a place in life to be able to take a break but making that decision and living with the consequences was not all easy.
When I got out of my job, I rationalized with myself that the break will be just as busy because I will fill it with many bucket list activities that I wanted to do. Travel to south America, Learn things on Coursera for my career. When I left my job, I rationalized that I would take the time to build my skills for the next job. In the end, for the first 3 months I ended up just doing absolutely nothing much. Of course, there were constraints like not spending beyond what I made, spending time with my husband, being away from my family in Japan etc, that made me spend most of unemployment at home, alone.
What helped me made peace with the situation and remain positive was this – I discovered things in my immediate surrounding that brought me happiness, once I found it, I did more of it, shamelessly so, and soon I found my mind healed to discover a new normal.
Now that I reflect deeply upon it, here are 8 lessons I learnt from my break -
1. Reframing what productivity looks like
It took me 3 months to realize this, productivity as we know it is output we get for the inputs we put in. When I was working, I felt the needed to be productive because I spent so much time and energy in making my work, work. I spent a lot of time and energy in my relationships to make it work. I spent money on my travels, so I wanted it to work. But when I stayed home for 3 months, I put in so less, that every beautiful weather day was a blessing, every meal I cooked that turned out well was a pleasant surprise, every painting I did was a gift to myself. Somedays, I felt so productive, it felt so silly to even describe to someone working, how this was possible.
2. Unlearning what I knew from my Corporate life
For a long time, I struggled with the stigma of being unemployed, I was very content, happy and celebrating every day of my break but it didn’t mean I never questioned my decision to leave.
But here’s what I learnt – You are much less important than what the company tells you to be.
For weeks together, especially for the first month, I kept checking my phone to see if people would check in with me to find out how I was or needed something from me. Nothing. No one needed me. And once I accepted it, the relief that came with it was beautiful. As days went by, I stopped checking my phone for the whole day, only checking at lunch to call my mom. Friends wondered if I was ok, given I usually initiated so much contact, but I assured them I really was OK, I was not just OK, I was excellent. There are no words to express this sense of freedom I felt. So, it helps to remember, you really don’t have to win at life everyday for everyone, you are just a tiny dot. No one really needs you a lot of the time 😊
3. Breaking the habits cycle
I loved doing this. We are always taught to stack habits, build habits, make our lives more disciplined. Now that I reflect back, I feel subconsciously, from that sense of freedom came an urge to not have a habits cycle. Introducing variety to every day based on what I felt like, no calendar to keep to. I remember this one afternoon, I laid stretched out on a rug painting. I think I stayed there for 4 hours. I didn’t exercise at 4 pm which I did the previous day. Somedays, I would switch up the order of what goes where. I broke the habits cycle and made my day interesting for myself. I also did a ritual of thinking about 1 new thing to do next day. Sometimes just the thought and excitement of doing it next day, wouldn’t let me sleep. Too much routine kills the story, folks.
4. Throwing yourself deeply into new things without shame
I had this thought once – Isn’t it so cliché to say I am painting, cooking during my unemployment days. Is it really even worth doing because everyone has already done it ?
But eventually, I started enjoying what I did so much, I stopped caring. I invented new recipes, I wrote many journals, I painted canvases, I even went to the local library to start a summer project of reading 100 Japanese author books translated in English (never got to the end, but it certainly kept me fascinated for a month). So, throw yourself into anything you feel like, even if you might be the nth mediocre artist in the whole wide world.
5. Surround yourself with people who are different from you in life experiences
The truth is, I got tired of answering - why I decided to take a break. I wanted to actively meet people who had lived a different truth in their lives. In my 8th month, I finally had attracted enough vibes to meet a bunch of fellows who validated it for me. Today, even when I am back in the corporate, I have conversations with these people every week to remind me what the lives of a teacher, a social entrepreneur, a photographer, a life lesson collector, an art therapist are. So really, reach out and attract some new crew.
6. Opening your ears and eyes more than you ever have
Here’s what I did - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlz5iZDkAc0
I hope you find yourself looking at things in your home a little bit closer. 😊
7. Dealing with the emotion – Guilt
Guilt and I had a strange relationship during these 10 months. Somedays, I pushed guilt to the back of my head, refusing to have a conversation with it. But somedays, there was no escape. I had so much guilt of letting down colleagues, letting down family, letting down mentors, letting down friends. I couldn’t shake off the feeling that people thought I was being reckless and indulgent. I tried to make everyday a productive one to fight guilt, but it wasn’t sustainable, it just ended making me more anxious. But I guess the truth is this, Guilt is like a shadow that never goes away, in moderate doses it actually works wonders. Journaling my thoughts down on such days, is the only way I have found helpful to have a conversation with Guilt. I hope this helps you do the same.
8. Be kind to yourself
On some days, when I binged on Netflix, skipped my exercise and felt lack of any motivation to work on any long-term goals, I stayed kind to myself. My husband helped me with it. Mainly, I would tell myself – I really need that time to recover.
I hope you find happiness in your home. Take care.
Love
Mat